Great People Works

None of us are born with any habits. Our minds are pretty much like a clean slate or a wax tablet on which we begin writing in a chemical-electrical code based on everything that we perceive through our senses. As we grow we learn both good and bad habits. First our parents may try to teach us certain habits such as eating with our mouth closed and how to use silverware, then other relatives, teachers, ministers, coaches, mentors, friends, etc. Along with this we also learn habits that hurt us and our self-concept like cheating, stealing, smoking, using drugs, etc. More insidious, however, are the mundane little habits that eat up our time, money and resources and accomplish nothing. These are the most common habits that keep us from achieving our goals.

Now that we have goals (see Part 2 of this series) and are growing in our awareness (See Part 1 in this series) it is time to begin focusing on our habits. Which habits are conflicting with our goals and what habits would improve our chances of reaching our goals. We want to limit or eliminate the negative-to-goal achievement habits and grow the positive-to-goal achievement habits. For example, let's say we have a habit of staying up late at night because it is fun and enjoyable and we never seem to have time to exercise in support of our goal of staying healthy, feeling healthy and maintaining a healthy weight. It has been shown that people who stay up late eat more and that sleep deprivation contributes to obesity. If the habit of staying up late every night is conflicting with our goal of exercising or maintaining our weight then we should reduce or eliminate the bad habit and replace it with a positive habit which will enable us to achieve our goal. Maybe, we decide we will only stay up late on Friday and Saturday nights and that we will get up earlier on Monday through Friday in order to exercise five times a week each weekday. This becomes a minor goal in itself as we change our habits to enable us to achieve our goals. While this seems easy it is not. Why? Because staying up late is already a habit. It has become ingrained in our behavior to the degree that we may even have a difficult time considering the idea of changing. We could blame the fact that we live in a society that has tried to encourage us to instantly gratify our desires, to have it now, to act on impulse, or we could blame our parents or spouse or someone else, but all of that is fairly useless. Finding blame for our bad habit is not helpful, but what is helpful is realizing that we are totally responsible for our behavior now. We are the Captain of our Soul an the Brain within the Body. We can change if we want to but it isn't always easy, but when we realize that it is our bad habits that are keeping us from reaching our goals then we have reason to celebrate. First, we are in charge and can change our habits by engaging in habit replacement practice, and Secondly, it is only a habit we need to change not our goals. We can still reach our goals.

 Initially, instead of making a rationale choice to eliminate a bad habit and adopt a good habit we are more likely to rebel. We might even try to stay up late and get up early which sabotages our goal and leads to frustration and back pedaling to our old habits and goal failure. Listen to the voice inside you.  Who is it that wants to sabotage your goal?  Is it that voice of the inner child who does not want to take NO for an answer?  We must be vigilant and tolerant of ourselves and proceed carefully.    A great strategy is to identify how we will reward ourselves for achieving our new habit of getting up early and how we will punish ourselves for staying out late on week nights.  Or, maybe we need to gradually ease into our new goal by not staying out on Monday through Thursday nights so we can still stay our late three nights a week.  Habit-replacement is a process of internal negotiation and compromise but the important thing is to reward yourself for progress and continue making progress.   After awhile, you may realize that achieving your goal regularly is actually making you feel better about yourself than staying up late every night and that when you do stay out late you enjoy it more because now you value this time more and may even spend more time planning how you will use it.   Each step you get closer to your goal is a positive step even if you are moving in baby steps and very slowly.    It is still progress and as you progress you will find it easier and easier.

Now, what other habits have you picked up which are almost unnoticeable but definitely conflict with your goals?    Here is a good category to make a list: Time Wasters. How much time and how often do you waste time? Perhaps you are surfing the internet or maybe Twittering, Facebooking or playing Spider Solitaire.    Maybe you are watching too much TV instead of doing something that would speed you along in pursuit of one of your goals.   Maybe you are waiting, commuting or napping when you could be using this time as an opportunity to aid you on your way to achieving your goal.  After all they are are your goals and they are good for you.   Are you committed to them?   Then, anything that does not contribute to one of your "important" goals is a time waster.  On the other hand, if you think this activity is so important to your happiness now then you should include it in your goals and decide how it fits and which goal it compliments or what goal you will have to drop to list this new one. After all, your goals are based on your happiness, not someone elses happiness so you should be able to determine what makes you happy versus what keeps you from achieving your goals. Maybe one of your goals is to have personal time each day to do whatever you want to do and you decide to watch TV. There is nothing wrong with this.  It is your goal.  At this point, you should also be thinking about "moderation in all things".  Each goal should compliment or work in synergy with every other goal. You might need to adjust the time you spend on one goal in order to accommodate another goal or perhaps you need to be creative and decide how to accomplish some goals in less time. Always try to work SMARTER before you try to work HARDER. Your current happiness is the only happiness you ever truly feel. You can plan for your future happiness but you should make an effort to be happy and enjoy your life now because 'now' is all you ever really have. 

Another bad habit most of us have is spending too much money which often conflicts with future goals of retiring successfully, buying that home in the mountains, traveling to other countries, taking a cruise, driving a Porsche, etc. As a culture we tend to accumulate a variety of credit cards and credit accounts and then feel no guilt at all in using them. Even if we can afford the expense in our present economic position the question here is how are we going to have the money to afford our future happiness if we spend it all now. When we make impulse purchases at the Mall or lunch at Panera's or McDonald's when we could have gone home and made a soup and sandwich with ingredients we have in our own kitchen at far less cost, then we are undermining our goals.  To achieve your goals requires self-discipline, commitment to them and the cultivation of good habits while eliminating bad habits.  It is helpful to change habits in a positive way so we are realizing that developing each new good habit is a good thing, that it is a positive change in our behavior that will enable us to achieve a greater goal. Similarly, analyzing our bad habits as to why they are bad, what are the bad affects from this habit and how it damages our chances of achieving our goals is a very helpful exercise. If you would like a Habits  check sheet to help you do this email (see links) and I'll be happy to send it or give me a call at 972-221-3504.  If you would like to schedule me to speak at your organization or company please contact me.